There I was, in the bowels of GameStop, searching for the perfect game. All around me, temptation lurked in the form of buxom females holding elaborate swords and covert operatives donning multi-spectrum ocular equipment. It took a mere instant, however, of turning toward the new releases cabinet to see the light. The blinding white case seemed to float toward me and nestle itself into my hands, barely resting its near weightless presence onto my fingertips. I rushed home, my precious purchase brandished before me like a shield of holy virtue. Removing the disk from the case resembled an angels wings unfolding before me. Even the media was smooth to the touch and glimmering with an inner light. The console took this halo into its maw and immediately became a complacent servant of the glory that is … Super Mario Galaxy.

Entering the plush halls of this virtual universe was akin to a blinding epiphany; no game could match its greatness. Skirting, skipping and flying along the surface of celestial bodies of varying size and shape was the perfect embodiment of exploration and adventure, nestled into a collage of brilliant colors and shiny stars. Sure in the outlying planets there are dangerous areas that will suck you into a black hole and compress you into an infinitesimally small singularity, but fret not. You never have to worry about running out of lives. Resurrection is a cinch and available in plenty. Sometimes the princess will send you some 1-ups in the mail, or you’ll just stumble through a couple here and there in the completely safe space kingdom. Don’t be afraid of those perilous edges, if you fall off, a rainbow will collect you up and place you gently back on the precipice. This is literally a game with no sharp edges. You could run around in circles with a blindfold on, all the while jumping and whooping with reckless abandon and you would never feel the sting of defeat. Do you have a friend over? No problem, hand them a Wiimote and they can join in the fun by collecting star bits and shooting them at your adorable foes! You could literally snap the game disk in half and jam the resulting plastic shards into your eyes and it would feel like Visine.

After playing this game, you can die happy and content	No guns or zombies
The game is flawless and polished	Those freaking Prankster Comets can go to hell and die
Star Bits, yay!	Where did my testosterone go?

-Groggy